So is cybersex cheating? Some would argue that YES it is, other say NO. The reality is that you are both wrong.

For 90% of people cybersex has less to do with the sex, and more to do with finding some form of attention to their own inner desires.

Men and women engage in cybersex for distinct reasons. For men, cybersex is more about taking their masturbatory fantasies, and making them a reality. For women, cybersex is often a cry for attention, a plea for some form of recognition, acknowledging that they are a sexually attractive and interesting person.

So isn’t this cheating?

Cybersex can definitely be seen as cheating, however, I would argue that it is not. To be clear, the only thing two people over the internet share is a digital fantasy, one that can be achieved from many other sources such as video, romance novel, and even radio broadcast (Howard Stern anyone?)

Some people may argue that it is the very thought of their boyfriend or girlfriend interacting sexually with someone else that bothers them. To this I say WAKE UP! Your boyfriend/girlfriend has been doing it ever since you first started dating. The only difference is that in the past they did it more discretely.

Dreams, fantasies, television, books etc. are all forms of escape into another world, another dimension. Your boyfriend or girlfriend has been fantasizing about other people their whole lives - and the reality is, it never stops.

If you don't believe me, then consider this: How many dreams have you had that involved someone other than your partner? And how many of those dreams did you share with your partner? Why not? Because they are often sexually provocative, overly exciting, and not something your partner likely wants to hear about.

This does not mean that your partner is not committed; it just means that they are human. It is human to fantasize, and it is human to seek excitement and attention from your fantasies.

This being said, if your partner is spending more time having cybersex than having sex with you, there may be a problem. This goes beyond the fantasy, and is something in an entirely different category. They may be stuck in a virtual world (it happens!). The reality is, it takes a huge kick in the ass to get them out.

My advice is to relax a little and consider how often you catch yourself fantasizing about somebody else. And next time you catch your partner having an online fantasy, kick things into high gear and ask if you can join in.

- Safe dating my friends!