Showing posts with label The Cheat. Show all posts
Is Text Flirting a Form of Cheating?
People are spending more and more time flirting through text messages than ever before, and why not? It is easy, less risky, more intriguing, exciting and everything else great that comes along with what most people perceive as harmless flirting.
But is it harmless?
I guess that depends. If you are single, then of course it is harmless (as long as you don't become abusive or rude). In actual fact the, texting can become an integral part of the dating strategy.
I remember getting girls numbers under the harmless guise of keeping in touch about school projects and other class related activities. After a series of late night texts, I was able to accelerate the conversations into steamy chats that took our relationship to a completely new level.
I could advance about 2-3 stages of the dating game without ever actually having a face-to-face conversation. So when we did finally get together, a lot of the awkwardness was well out of the way, leaving nothing but the awesome pure dating excitement that we all desire.
But what happens when the person you are texting has a significant other? This changes the game a bit, and all of a sudden, these escalating, steamy, late night texts become an issue.
Now I have heard many arguments about how text flirting is harmless, and maybe it is. But how do we know for sure?
I would argue that if you are having a text conversation with someone other than your partner, and would be nervous to share a copy of those texts with that partner, you are likely doing something wrong.
If your heart races a little bit when you see a text from someone other than your partner, there is likely something going wrong.
If you find the texts are starting to come from the person when they go out drinking, there is definitely a problem. When you become a part of someone’s regular list of drunken texts, then you are most likely a person that they are interested in. The texts will get more risqué, eventually your partner will find one, and the whole jig will be up.
In summary, I would agree that there are many cases where text flirting is in fact harmless. It is nice to know that someone thinks your worthy of flirting with. The problem is that unlike the pre-texting social arena, where flirting was limited to only a few social interactions each week, text flirting is available 24/7. This makes it more likely to become a gateway to more seductive conversations.
Just my two cents... What are your thoughts?
Are You Chexting While You're Dexting?
Chexting (cheating via text message), and Dexting (texting while drinking) are the new short hand that spell out trouble. Why trouble you ask? The answer is simple: because it is so damn easy to do, and so damn easy to get away with!
Most cell plans include unlimited texts, it takes only a few seconds to fire off a few seductive words and best of all, you can do it right in the middle of the bar! Phone call cheating used to require careful planning, organization, and a series of ring codes in order to pull it off successfully.
Chexting on the other hand, requires a few slight finger taps under the table, in the bathroom stall, or even right there in the middle of the dance floor. Boom! The text is sent, and the evidence carefully deleted. Set the phone to silent, and you can read the reply at anytime, without anyone ever noticing.
Consider the last time you where out with your friends, or even partner; how many times did they look at their phone? I am guessing that it was at least 20. Did you ever wonder if when they say they were chatting with a friend, it was actually some secret fling? The point is they can tell you it is anyone, and provided they take a bit of care to delete outgoing and incoming messages, you would never be the wiser.
Now bring in the Dexting. Introducing alcohol into any scenario always leads people into making bad decisions. How many late night texts have you received from someone telling you that they think you are “hot” or want to “hook up”. I am betting that they where drunk, horny, and liberated by the drunken courage of Dexting.
To be fair, I have done my fair share of Dexting, and made my fair share of apologies the next morning. Most of it harmless, most of it simple spewing from the drunken tongue. But what happens when the Dexting turns to Chexting? Now we have a problem.
The problem is not so much that you are cheating on your partner. In my opinion, if you are going to cheat, you will do it with or without a cell phone at hand. The cell phone just makes it more convenient. The problem is that cell phones have trace evidence that many people seem to forget. The OUTBOX! Chexters always seem to remember to delete their inbox, but always neglect to delete the outbox. A suspicious partner need only take a moment while you are in the shower to scan through the outbox for unusual numbers, or lengthy messages, and BAM! Busted! Game Over!
The short summary here, stop Chexting while you are Dexting!
I don’t know. It seems to me that most people secretly want to be caught. They likely can’t live with guilt of a Chexting affair. It is probably best for the boyfriend/girlfriend of the Chexter as well. Finding out that your partner is cheating sucks, but better to find out sooner than later.
The reality is, that life always comes full circle. So whether you are the Chexter, Dexter, Chextie, Dextie, or Chex-dumped, you will get from life what you are willing to put in. That I can guarantee.
Until next time - Safe dating my friends!
I Caught My Boyfriend Having Cybersex
For 90% of people cybersex has less to do with the sex, and more to do with finding some form of attention to their own inner desires.
Men and women engage in cybersex for distinct reasons. For men, cybersex is more about taking their masturbatory fantasies, and making them a reality. For women, cybersex is often a cry for attention, a plea for some form of recognition, acknowledging that they are a sexually attractive and interesting person.
So isn’t this cheating?
Cybersex can definitely be seen as cheating, however, I would argue that it is not. To be clear, the only thing two people over the internet share is a digital fantasy, one that can be achieved from many other sources such as video, romance novel, and even radio broadcast (Howard Stern anyone?)
Some people may argue that it is the very thought of their boyfriend or girlfriend interacting sexually with someone else that bothers them. To this I say WAKE UP! Your boyfriend/girlfriend has been doing it ever since you first started dating. The only difference is that in the past they did it more discretely.
Dreams, fantasies, television, books etc. are all forms of escape into another world, another dimension. Your boyfriend or girlfriend has been fantasizing about other people their whole lives - and the reality is, it never stops.
If you don't believe me, then consider this: How many dreams have you had that involved someone other than your partner? And how many of those dreams did you share with your partner? Why not? Because they are often sexually provocative, overly exciting, and not something your partner likely wants to hear about.
This does not mean that your partner is not committed; it just means that they are human. It is human to fantasize, and it is human to seek excitement and attention from your fantasies.
This being said, if your partner is spending more time having cybersex than having sex with you, there may be a problem. This goes beyond the fantasy, and is something in an entirely different category. They may be stuck in a virtual world (it happens!). The reality is, it takes a huge kick in the ass to get them out.
My advice is to relax a little and consider how often you catch yourself fantasizing about somebody else. And next time you catch your partner having an online fantasy, kick things into high gear and ask if you can join in.
- Safe dating my friends!
Tags:
For the Girls
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The Cheat
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater
Both men and women associate relationships in one of two ways, monogamous or restricting. For some people, they like nothing more than the safety and security of a relationship; while for others it can feel like living in a jail cell.
Why the difference?
Scientists have been studying this for years, with no solid conclusions.
Sociologists will have you believe that it is a product of parenting, social media, and peer groups that ultimately determine your future disposition toward relationships.
Psychologists contend that it is differences in brain chemistry that alter your moods, feeling, and desires regarding commitment and relationships
Anthropologists often conclude that it is actually a product of thousands of years of evolution that lead men to want to bread with multiple women, in order to ensure their genetic survival. While the women want safety and security of a monogamous relationship to ensure the survival of their young. Although arguably just as many women cheat as do men.
Who is right?
Maybe all of them, maybe none. At the end of the day, it really doens't matter who is right, the reality is that cheating is a part of who we are. It is a part of our human culture. It always has been, and it likely always will be. The Greeks made no secret of their extramarital affairs, neither did the Romans, Persians, French Revolutionaries, or any other culturally significant group that you can think of. It is human to desire, and it is human to stray.
Does this make it OK?
Of course not! What it means is that we cannot deny that cheating exists, and we cannot deny that it is going to continue.
So who cheats?
Everyone cheats. Men, Women, Teens, the Elderly. Everyone is a potential perpetrator, everyone is a potential victim
Who are the most likely to cheat?
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a very true statement. The most likely person to cheat is someone who has cheated in the past. Tiger Woods, cheated with multiple women, Halle Berry's husband considers himself a sex addict. Jesse James left Sandra Bullock all alone a multimillion dollar mansion while he strutted around with trailer trash. These men, always beg forgiveness, but rarely ever change.
It is not only the men who cheat. Meg Ryan had an affair with Aussie Actor Russell Crowe. While Paula Yates cheated on Bob Geldof with INXS rocker Michael Hutchence.These women's much less known affairs, which are real none-the-less, will likely occur again in the future.
Once a cheater, always a cheater? Yes... well maybe.
Yes. For those who cheat more than once, the cycle will likely never be broken. It seems to have similar characteristics to addiction. For those who have only cheated once, there may not be a recurrence, but for that relationship, the trust has been permanently broken. The relationship will struggle to survive.
The best thing you can do for yourself, and for the relationship, is never cheat at all. If you do, the likelihood is that this "sneaky little thrill" will become a permanent part of your psyche, and something you will never be able to escape. Save yourself, and the feelings of the person you are with, and practice some self-control.
Once a cheater, twice a cheater, always a cheater. The patterns dictate that cheaters always lie (in bed with someone else). Good luck with your dating, and be sure to always value yourself above the cheating desires of someone else.
Tags:
The Cheat
